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_________________________
The Control Center
pro_ana
purge_chic
GUESS WHAT?

I NEVER EXISTED



CONSIDER YOURSELVES
TROLLED!
pro_ana
lungmachine
Why am I doing this to myself?

If I do become thin again, what will I do? What. The moment I become thin everything will be better, I'll be gorgeous and everyone will love me. I shall have the confidence I have always wished for and I'll be powerful, like a goddess.

No.

It doesn't work like that.

It's kinda funny.. I know this.. But I still push away this food.
nutritdestruit
pro_ana
nutritdestruit
I am thankful... That my family has enough money for luxuries like holiday decorations; that I have a wonderful boyfriend; that my pet rat has stopped biting me :P; that I go to a nice school that offers advanced classes; that I can read and write; that I have free time; that I am still alive; that my gym has 11 elliptical trainers; that there are so many interesting kinds of life on earth and that people work for their preseration; that there are charities busting their ass to make everyone as comfortable as possible during the winter holidays and always; that medicine has advanced so much; that libraries are free; that my parents lve me; that I can see how many beautiful colours are around me and have all of my senses intact; that my uncle recovered from his stroke as did my granddad.

Current Mood: Your turn.

strawbairy_gash
pro_ana
strawbairy_gash
The past couple of months have been shit. I've been so stressed out with my mom going to jail, and finding out a bunche of shit I didn't need to know about my family, plus school and the drama between friends.

When I stopped hanging out with people I stopped eating, and now that I'm starting to be more social I've gained more weight than ever.

I know everyone's New Year's Resolution is to lose weight, but this year I'm 110% determined to kill this whole fat issue.

Lose and keep it off. This is going to be hard, so my main focus is self-control and I'm going to do this if it kills me.

And I mean if it kills me.

Current Mood: depressed depressed
Current Music: Whiskey Lullaby

litebrite007
pro_ana
litebrite007
I read lots of posts about people gaining weight around their period. I seem to lose weight, I get too ill to eat. Anyone else?

***On a side note I got 2 fluffy kittens!***
kawaiinoir
pro_ana
kawaiinoir
I seem to get really bloated when I don't eat, bizarrely. Does this happen to anyone else?
starvingartist_
pro_ana
starvingartist_
I've got Henry IV coming up and I'm going to be after school all next week, so essentially I'm going to go on a week fast. Only liquids, ie hot tea, diet pepsi, and water. And a shitload of cigarettes to keep my appetite down. I can do this. I have to do this. I'm reaching whale proportions.

Current Mood: determined determined
Current Music: Creed - Arms Wide Open

pro_ana
br0ken_ragdoll
i dunno if any of you will remember me...
but i used to post on here
and then suddenly alot of things went bad for me and i stopped

well iam back, so hello :)

i would post my current weight but i dont really know it right now
iam too scared to weigh myself but last time i did i was 140 :(
i need to get back on track...
i did manage to get down to 122-124
that wasnt perfect but its a lot better than 140!!!!

anyway.......

age: 22
height: 5'4
current weight: 140-160(somewhere around this region iam guessing, iam so disgusted with myself :'()
lowest weight: 79
highest weight: 175
stg: 140
ltg: 105

anyway hewwo peoples <3
pseudosoliloquy
pro_ana
pseudosoliloquy
so i have a question...

are there any songs out there that trigger you accidentally?

im not talking about fiona's paper bag or most of silverchair. im talking about weeeird stuff that really has nothing to do with weight or food..

for me, i get triggered by wheatus-teenage dirtbag. i wanna be noel.
sooo weird. i know. now you fess up!

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: wheatus-teenage dirtbag

danykatovy
pro_ana
danykatovy
"It would be as simple as running away, or, if that coudl not be effected, never eating or drinkign more and letting myself die" - Jane Eyre by Charlote Bronte

I found this to be an oddly comforting thought when I read it today in Lit. We then discussed anorexia and my teacher kept staring right at me. *Hate her so much*
miss_almost
pro_ana
miss_almost
greetings,

you know, i completly forgot to mention who much i hate thanksgiving. becuase i really really do. with a fucking passion. which is a whole hell of a lot. ugh.

but on the bright side my eating was under control and i was proud of myself. the damage could have been a lot worse. but it also gave me this re-newed stregnth to try and lose as much weight as possible inbetween now and the new year. so starting this very instant i am going to be on a mission to lose weight from now untill new years. thats in just over a month. i really really hope i can do relaly well fomr now untill then.

is anyone else trying to lose a bunch of weight before new years? if so comment and maybe there will be some more intercommunity support.

i hope everyone else made it through thanskgiving okay and they didn;t do anything they serisouly regret. such as stab a family member, over eat, etc.

cheers!

Current Mood: anxious anxious
Current Music: Queen - Killer Queen

pro_ana
pixiefuk
Anorexic Beauty Lyrics
Artist: Pulp (Buy Pulp CDs)
Album: Freaks


Sitting alone on a cold bar stool,
your cold, hard eyes make me feel a fool.
Pastel-white features,
high cheek-bones,
scarlet-blooded lips and deathly tones.

The girl of my nightmares,
sultry and corpse-like.
The girl
of my
nightmares.

Brittle fingers,
and thin cigarettes,
so hard to tell apart,
she hasn't spoken yet.
You put your hand on mine,
death white on brown,
those whirlpool eyes;
well, I begin to drown.





The girl of my nightmares,
erotic and skull-faced.
The girl
of my
nightmares.

Anorexic beauty,
feather-weight perfection,
anorexic beauty,
underweight
goddess.

Sitting alone on
a cold bar stool, your
so hard to tell apart,
she hasn't spoken yet.
Pastel-white features,
high cheek-bones,
scarlet-blooded lips and deathly tones.

The girl of my nightmares,
sultry and corpse-like.
The girl
of my
nightmares.

Anorexic beauty,
feather-weight perfection,
anorexic beauty,
underweight
goddess.
__roulette
pro_ana
__roulette
it's been a long time

i was a common poster here about a year ago.. but had to take a 6 month break due to family getting suspicious again and watching me like a hawk.

is anyone else completely incapable of purging? i guess it's a blessing in a way, but when i slip i just have to let the food sit in my stomach and being "full" is the most disgusting feeling in the world

height- 6'0"
hw:around 250, i never weighed myself during the "orca stage"
lw- 107, seems high, but was heavenly since i'm such a giant
cw: 140, i've gained a lot during those 6 months, and i can't take it anymore
stgw:120 (by new years???)
ltgw: 106 =)


to make it worse i just on turkey and stuffing because i was so depressed about gaining weight.god.

tomorrow is a new day. it's back to spinach, espresso, chai, miso soup, bouillon, rice noodles and celery

it's good to be back =) i'll post pics once my camera gets fixed.. i hope everyone was stronger than i was today!

/roxanne

Current Music: frou frou

nutritdestruit
pro_ana
nutritdestruit
Thanksgiving succesfully navigated! Next Challenge?


PS- Yoanna House has a crazy name. She should go into real estate. "Ya wanna house?"

Current Mood: accomplished accomplished

danykatovy
pro_ana
danykatovy
does anyone else ever see the potential in their body and get discouraged becuase it seems like you'll never hit that figure? I can see the figure I want if I look hard enough. Under layers and layers of fat I can see the look that I want to acheive but I feel like it will never happen. I know once I get there that figure will change and I'll want to look different. Its a never ending cycle.

I talked to my ex and explained to him the reasons behind me breaking up with him. Part of it was the fact that he was horribly triggering for me but not in a "good" way. This summer when we were dating all this stopped being somehting I did for me and became something that I did because I was afraid of what he'd say about me to my face, or seemingly worse behind my back. I told him that. He pretty much told me I'm fucked up and need to get over myself and just "fucking eat something" Then he started calling me a bitch anf a fat whore. As soon as that came out he tried to pull the whole "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Forget I said anything." If nothing else it has me not wanting to eat much of anything, as opposed to having to fight my urge to eat anything. I don't think I've ever hated anyone I cared about more then I hate him right now. Seriosuly, he knows about the eating disorder and first he tells me he thinks I'm beautiful the way I am and that he never wanted me to change or hurt myself and then he tells me, in the same conversation, that I'm a fat whore? And this is supossed to be a good thing how? How am I supossed to just forget that? Worst part is I have to work with him at the theatre.

ON an up note I made little muffins with my nephew today. He's so cute. He kept stealing the chocolate chips. The muffins are little so I'll let myself have one, plus they keep my family from freaking out about me not eating becuase look how good I'm doing, I'm having a muffin without anyone making me eat it.

Hope all your days are going good. Remember you're all great. Stay strong

Current Mood: depressed depressed
Current Music: Ana Johnson - We Are

hannabell
pro_ana
hannabell
Thanksgiving. Ate too much. Couldn't purge. Too much family around. At least I didn't eat any pie. I ate less than anyone else, but I am still so fucking full. I wish I were home. I wish I could get rid of this food in my stomach. I feel ill.
danykatovy
pro_ana
danykatovy
I just wanted to say a big Good Luck to all you guys that have to deal with Thanksgiving. I already had mine up here in Canada and I know its a tought time to go through. Good luck everyone, stay strong. You can all do it, you are all wonderful! Never forget how wonderful you all are!

Nothing much new for me, I got my blood taken yesterday, blacked out and felt shaky all day. I ate some potatos and mushrooms for dinner. Bloody friends from out of town showed up and took me out for coffee and a croisant (I know I can't spell) So all in all the day wasn't too bad I guess. Today I think I can avoid dinner. I had a few chocolate covered coffee beans and some juice. I have a "date" this afternoon with my nephew to bake muffins. I'm hoping I can avoid eating them today. However I usually get off the hook for eating for a while if I havea muffin. For some reason my parents have been dealing well lately as long as they see me eating something. They don't ask what else I've eaten anymore. Which is nice.

But I've wasted enough of everyones time, and I have homework to attend to.

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE! You guys can do it!

Current Mood: cranky cranky

litebrite007
pro_ana
litebrite007
whos scared shitless for today? I dont plan on eating anything all day (saving my appitite) then eating only a lil. anyone else make special arangements for today?
stargoneblue
pro_ana
stargoneblue
Oh gosh, I eat so damn much =( I used to not eat and now I eat tons. Like seriously, I'm not the way I used to say I eat tons and it would be like a bagel the whole day. Like today I ate a bagel in the morning, at lunch an egg roll, fried rice, chips and a piece of chocolate, then later on I had a slice of cheesecake. I take advantage that I eat a lot and dont gain weight, but I'm not very thin either, I'm about 5'3 and 124lbs. And I keep saying I want to loose weight and I wont eat for like a week loose 6lbs but then go back to eatting a lot, but what I dont get is, I dont gain the 6lbs back. =/ Does anyone have any tips on how they stay full? Maybe hot tea? I know a lot of you like bouillon(sp?) cubes, but I dont eat chicken and I'm not a meat person =/ I'm never going to get itty bitty and it frustrates me! Maybe if I update weekly in this community and not monthly itll help me get back on track..


I put a pic behind the cut of liek my stomach bloated (i had my period that day)


Read more...Collapse )
danykatovy
pro_ana
danykatovy
Blood work tomorrow. Ick. I'm scared. So bloody scared and everyone keeps telling me to get over it. I'm not allowed to eat until after my blood work though so thats good. Maybe the blacking out will stop soon.

I was doing good today. I skipped breakfast, as usual, and made lunch around 2:#0 which I didn't end up eating. Then I fucking gave in and had dinner. Chicken, frenchfries, and creamed corn. After dinner I had an apple and a chocolate bar. Of all fuckign things a chocolate bar. Fuck. One good thing is I'm getting a sore throat. I know its really odd to think of that as good, but it means I can't swallow which means I can't eat. Which is good. It also lets me get away with making my own things for dinner and eating nothing but soup. I know its not alwyas the best but I find when I purge soup its easier. I also find it easier to eat less. I dunno I'm weird.

So about a week from tomorrow I should be able to find out what the hell is wrong with my body other then the obvious shit that I already know. I'm just hoping the blacking out stops.

Hope you're all doign great.
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User: pro_ana
Name: proactive & disordered
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